Girl for Sale by Lara McDonnell

Author:Lara McDonnell
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781473501614
Publisher: Ebury Publishing

Chapter twelve

LOST GIRL

The days were a haze of drugs, drink, danger and aimlessness. I woke around 10, moped about the house in my pyjamas and tried to forget what was happening to me. I smoked cigarettes and waited for my phone to ring. Mum knew I smoked by then and tried to discourage it. I had started around the time I was 12. I began just by experimenting, like a lot of children do when they get to secondary school, but I enjoyed it. I found that, when I was stressed or angry, a cigarette was the only thing that would calm me down. My smoking was the least of Mum’s worries. She even bought me them sometimes, so at least she could control how much I smoked. If I didn’t have any I begged them from strangers so she figured it was the safest option. She also knew they calmed me down when I got cross.

While I waited for the phone to ring I watched Jeremy Kyle and tried to convince myself that I wasn’t the only person whose life was a mess.

When the call came, there was an odd sense of relief. I got anxious waiting because I knew what was coming. Once the call came through to tell me what time to be at the flat at least I wasn’t waiting anymore; I got ready and went out. I knew he would call, he always did.

I spent my mornings with Jeremy Kyle and my afternoons, evenings and nights in a crack den. It was a vile place, no better than a squat, and it reminded me of the house I grew up in.

After Mohammed had found out all there was to know about me and coerced me to do his will, he hardly talked to me. I sat in the flat watching music channels while he fed me drugs and we waited for the punters to arrive.

Meanwhile, Mum was pulling her hair out, trying to coax me back into education. I may have been allowed back to school had I shown a willingness and, if not, the local education authority had a duty to provide me with some form of tutoring. I was given incentives all the time – shopping trips, horse riding, a pony, a puppy, a kitten. All I had to do was go to school, come in on time or do something that was good for me. But it was never enough. I’d ask for money as well; I pushed and pushed. I can’t imagine what a shock it must have been for her to have me.

Mum adapted to my moods. She noticed my anger when I got home and waited until she could communicate with me. If I wasn’t high on drugs, I was angry at what was happening to me. After the men, I went for walks before I returned home to try to clear my head because I was so cross with myself and with life. Mum tried so hard to

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